Jess Van: There is no Going Back; Not Now, Not Ever.

Have you ever wanted to turn back time and remake your decision? Or thinking that maybe you should just give up? If that is the case, then welcome aboard… I believe these feelings repeatedly happen as we encounter changes, challenges, or difficulties. And trust me, I was going through a predicament where I didn’t  know if I should really be leaving for the U.S. I probably know what you think of me now, but please bear with me. 

I may have a life that people are proud of, which is undoubtedly what most students dreamt of having. Getting a full-ride U.S. scholarship from a prestigious university, who wouldn’t want that? I couldn’t believe that I got this opportunity. I’m super excited and feel like I’m ready to conquer the world. My mom shared the news with my aunts and grandparents the second she knew the result; I promise you their smiles were the best. That was a year before I had to board the plane to a completely different country, far away from home.  There was no doubt.  I didn’t worry about anything; back then, all I could see was rainbows and fireworks. Deep down, there’s always a slight worry, but I didn’t think it would affect me that much. And guess what? I was absolutely wrong!

Change is unavoidable; it’s part of our life. The general phases of the change curve are denial, anger, exploration, and acceptance. As you read this, some people are making their way across the wall of changes, while others out there are in a denial or anger phase who decided to give up and move backward. I am super grateful for the support from SHE-CAN and all my mentors. If you’re reading this, I LOVE YOU! Because of you, I made it to the exploration stage and slowly moved to the last stage of change.

I am so excited to join many exciting programs that Syracuse University has to offer including “Active Minds” which aims to increase awareness of issues surrounding mental health, substance abuse, learning disabilities, problems surrounding mental health, and so on. I have worked on this project in Cambodia for almost two years, and it would be fabulous to continue contributing to this matter in the States. Another student-run organization I am looking forward to is “Black Box Players.” It aims to provide an enriching theater experience to the university and surrounding community, support the development of theatrical expression, and produce the work of student artists (directors, designers, actors, and playwrights). What “Black Box Player” does is not only relevant to my major, television, radio, and film, but I think I will be working with amazing people who can help me enhance my soft skills, hard skills, and of course building a strong supporting system.

I am glad I am not living someone else’s dream; I am proud to go through such a big change and pave my way closer to my dream. If you make it this far, I want you to embrace yourself with love and support from people around you. You may feel stuck at one point and think that things won’t get better, but I promise you, you can and you will get through it. It is because I chose to move forward, that life couldn’t get any better.